In order to optimally use your emotions for your emotional and overall health, you must learn how to regulate them. In other words, instead of letting your emotions control you, you must learn how to control them. 

This in no way implies that you should not let them make their presence felt. Instead– you allow yourself the time and understanding to respond to the emotional trigger, instead of reflexively reacting to it. 

Some emotions need to be acted upon and some just to be felt and let go. The key is to understand when to respond and when to not. 

Let’s look at some key techniques. 

• Identify your triggers: When you learn to identify situations or behaviors that ‘put you in the spot” or make you emotionally volatile, start breaking the patterns by either removing yourself from these spaces or change the way you respond by anticipating the outcome of your words and actions. 

• Become aware of your physical symptoms: Have you ever slept badly or skipped a meal before having an argument with somebody and then after getting some sleep or food felt like you overreacted? Don’t we all sometimes? We are biological beings who have simple biological needs that need to be met. It is not a given that you will always turn into a Hulk if you have not eaten well or slept well, but it may make it more likely. So, take notice of when you’re more likely to be on edge before engaging in emotionally sensitive areas. 

• The power of pausing: Whenever you feel triggered by an emotionally charged situation, imagined or real, take a moment to pause before you attend to the way you feel. Calm yourself down using breathing exercises or imagery exercises that pin you to the moment. Doing this will give you the power of choice about how you want to respond to the emotion, and not be reactive.

• Reconsider the meanings you attach to the situation and your emotions: When something pinches, it becomes hard to recover from the feeling. And anything negative that might be attached to it becomes more accessible. However, in most cases, that is not the truth. It is good to be wary and that is how our survival is ensured. But jumping to conclusions and negative assumptions too much will cause you to limit yourself. Similarly, focusing on just the negative or overgeneralizing the negatives will harm your ability to be optimistic.  

• Practice self-compassion and mindfulness: Do you ever judge yourself for judging yourself? Or feel nasty for being “too touchy”? The more you criticize your emotional experiences, the more likely you are to hold negative feelings for yourself. The key is to  understand that your emotions do not hold the power, they will appear naturally. It is what you choose to do with them that does. So, instead of resisting them, observe them and try to understand what needs are they pointing towards. Allow them to come, hold them, and respond to them without punishing yourself. 

• Journal to increase your self-awareness: The more consistently you talk to yourself and analyze your “difficult emotions”, the more effortlessly you will recognize patterns and needs underlying them. As you grow to understand yourself better, you will feel more in control of situations and your emotions in relation to them. This way, you will also learn to engage in positive self talk over time and practice more compassion towards yourself and others.

So, emotional awareness leads to emotional regulation. Your emotionally aware patterns of self-regulation, when consistent, turn into better habits and ultimately, into a healthier lifestyle.

Also, by becoming more responsible with handling your feelings, you slowly start applying the same rules to others, empathizing with them and helping them gently get in touch with their emotional realities. 

More and more emotionally aware and responsible children and adults are thus bound to make this world a better place for all. Anything that enhances your wellbeing is set to uplift that of others around you, and the chain keeps extending. 💚